new york state of mind

i was thinking about why it is so hard for me to write sometimes on tumblr. and i came to the conclusion that the entries that i post and the shit that i say is all just words. and you know how if you see do hear or repeat anything enough times you eventually grow numb to it? i figured it applies to the words i say. the words i write on this blog. my words, the things inside my head that i believe are so profound, only come out as decent if not incongruous posts because my vocabulary is not nearly enough to or capable of containing the thoughts i have. when i say something, no matter how poetic i try making it sound, or how beautiful or how hilarious, it can only come out as mediocre to some, and garbage to most. so i thought about it some more and i realized why i loved using twitter. because using less and less words makes it harder to judge someone’s thoughts and opinions. it makes every character special because you only have 139 more to formulate whats in your head. but when it comes to posts longer than that limit i resort to this site. and i have so many thoughts in my head at once, i can probably write a new post every ten minutes. but its not so easy. people will never understand you 100%, unless it is catered to them. so why bother? cause the majority of my blogging is catered to myself. where am i going with this? oh yeah. my uncle is in a coma. when the hospital called, they said he had 24 hours to live. i saw my dad cry for the first time in years. i have never felt so useless in my life. i realize life is so very short. i am losing people who matter to me at a rapid pace. and there are little replacements, if not none. it is time to start living like life is indeed short. family first, then school, then everything else. when i get my priorities fixed, there is no one who can stop me from being successful. there is no one to tell me i am not sufficient. because after all, the shit coming out their mouths is just words. and ive been hearing shit all my life and i have grown numb. my mind is numb. my heart still beats though. i am full of life, regardless of how short that life may be. so watch me seize the fucking day. there’s a new sheriff in town and it ain’t reggie hammond

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” —Steve Jobs